Transformation of a Reluctant Leader
Transformation of a Reluctant Leader
“We are promoting you to manager.”
Just the words every young woman who has worked her butt off in the technology industry (or in any industry for that matter) wants to hear. Well, this woman anyway.
However, as I sat in the director’s office I was suddenly struck with fear. I was elated he was making me this offer, but at the same time, was overwhelmed with the sense of really having no idea what that actually meant. This was something I had never done before. I feared that managing would take away all the fun stuff that I had grown to appreciate; working with the team, being creative, getting lost in the flow of a task I loved. Did I really want to do that?
“I think I’ll pass,” I said.
“But you are already doing it. Trust me, you need to do this,” he gently pushed. And so, with a little more convincing, I accepted. Little did I know, this decision would start me on the discovery of my truest passion.
At the starting point of any journey, we must first have, at the very least, a sense of where we want to go. I was a reluctant passenger on this road. I had been kidnapped by my desire to succeed and prove my worthiness.
Like many before me, I was given a role but had no clear training or definition of what it entailed. Sure, there were key performance indicators (KPIs), goals, targets, and strategies, but these are all purely business objectives. I had none of my own. When in doubt, we mimic the behavior of those we know. The problem was, the model I was meant to mimic was completely business-oriented. What I had thrived on most in my previous role were connections and team dynamics, achievements as a group. I felt disheartened like I was losing my passion.
"The model I was meant to mimic was completely business oriented. What I had thrived on most in my previous role were connections and team dynamics, achievements as a group."
“Leave your personal life at the door.”
This was what I had been taught all through my work life - no easy task for a ‘passionate’ person. Given this is how I had been managed, this is what I mimicked in turn. However, I did not feel particularly successful, at least as an individual contributor, as a team member, I felt like I could be myself.
“Maybe that’s the key!” I need to find what my personal objective is in this role. How do I fill this role in my own way? How could I learn to lead in a way that resonated with me? Surely I was not the only person to feel like this, so I started exploring what being a manager could mean to me.
In most of my research, I noticed the terms ‘manager’ and ‘leader’ were often used interchangeably, or at least they seemed to be used this way. Everything I was finding talked about conflict resolution, how to write a strategy proposal, etc. I was nowhere closer to finding something that lit me up. Then I stumbled upon a YouTube video by Simon Sinek. To paraphrase him, leadership isn’t about being in charge, it’s about taking care of the people in our charge. And in that moment, it was as if a big Las Vegas-style signpost complete with flashing lights and fireworks had suddenly appeared on my path. A signpost I could not ignore.
“What!!?? It's about taking care of people.” I leaned in to hear more. He goes on to say that if we are really good at doing our job we get promoted. Because we know how to do the job so well, we slide right into merely managing, and possibly even micro-managing, how that job is done. (That’s exactly what I was doing!) But, leadership requires a transition to not doing the job, but rather caring for the people who do the job.
I began to see that this wasn’t one role but rather two. There was the manager who cared about ensuring the business needs or objectives were met, but I needed to lead the people who were actually going to do that.
If leadership is all about caring for people, why had they been removed from the equation in the first place? The industrial revolution saw the onset of seeing people as mere cogs in the wheels or another resource to be used as the business saw fit. The person gave their time to the business in exchange for money - it was seen as a business transaction. As a result, those in manager roles were concerned only with the business needs. The idea of a compartmentalized person was born. The workbox, the family box, the spouse box, etc. With discipline, we operate from only one of these boxes at a time. While a person was at work they brought only the workbox. A manager never needed to consider the other boxes and good workers never showed them.
"If leadership is all about caring for people, why had they been removed from the equation in the first place?"
Enter new thought leaders like Brene Brown and others. Their studies showed that when you approach a person holistically, not compartmentalized, they are happier and when they are happier they are actually more productive, creative, and even more loyal. Let’s be realistic, if you were told some bad news on your way to work that information doesn’t just magically disappear between the hours of 9 and 5. It is with you all day, and maybe even the next.
So, how is a leader to care for those in their charge when they only acknowledge or experience a portion of a person? The long and short answer to this question is, you can’t. As leaders, we need to bring our whole selves to the table. Brene Brown writes that “heart-based leadership requires self-awareness, self-compassion, and vulnerability. Heart-based leaders operate holistically, engaging physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. They go within and work on their own character flaws.”
Yikes, pretty scary stuff! But, as Gandhi says...
I believe I can be that change. I believe that as women we are primed to be the guiding light to making heart-based leadership the norm. By doing our own work we can create workspaces where everyone feels seen, heard, and honored. We can provide work environments where team members thrive, flourish, and grow. We can redefine what leadership means, and be the role models for those in our charge. (queue Helen Redy - wow I just dated myself).
By embracing this new definition I now had a personal objective in my role as both a manager and a leader. Self-awareness, compassion, and vulnerability at work! This is going to take some grit and courage. Let’s be clear, this is ongoing work. But, I invite you to join me in exploring this new approach to leadership. Although we may all be in different parts of our own leadership paths, don’t doubt that you are on one - after all, we are women, it's just what we do.
Alann Demeester is originally from the prairie province of Saskatchewan, Canada, and currently resides in the Vancouver region. She received her advanced bachelor’s degree in psychology with a minor in biology in 1988 and has worked in the technology industry since 1999. She currently works as the Director of Global Enablement at Elastic Path Software, Inc. An adventurer at heart, she is passionate about the role women play in creating a new paradigm of leadership by walking through vulnerability to get to courage. She is excited about sharing teachings, insights, and experiences by leaders in this area like Brene Brown in this blog series in the hopes that it will inspire you in your own leadership journey.