Anything less than an enthusiastic consent is a “no”
Courage Campaign: Women's Stories of Survival and Speaking Out Against Oppression
The following is a story from a member of the WIS PDX community:
CW: vivid description of sexual assault
When I was 15 and a sophomore in high school, the person who was my boyfriend at the time assaulted me. He was two years older than me, but we knew each other because we were both in science bowl, went to math competitions together, were in the same STEM classes at school, and were in the same friend group. He had been trying to get me to have sex with him since the beginning of the relationship, but I didn't want to. He kept pressuring me when we texted, trying to sext and get me to send nudes. On multiple occasions, he would tell me that he wanted to have penetrative sex, and when I said no, he’d bargain for other types of sex or other intimate acts that I wasn’t comfortable with. In retrospect, I can’t exactly tease apart why I agreed to only sending nudes; maybe a combination of the thrill of being desired but also the reasoning that if I did what he wanted, I could placate him virtually and maybe he wouldn't violate my boundaries when we were in person.Once, we were together in my room and my parents were gone. Things escalated and I remember him putting his forearms on my shoulders and pressing down, trying to get me to get on my knees and give him a blowjob. He was more than a foot taller than me, and obviously physically larger. He was upset that I had stopped before he came.I didn't learn that his pressuring me to send nudes was coercion until several months later. It took me three more years to accept that what he did to me was rape. At the time, I knew I didn't want to have sex, but I didn't want to incur his wrath and manipulation. I made clear to him that I did not want to have sex with him. I didn't know what consent was, but still never consented to anything that he did. In school, I had previously been on receiving ends of presentations about safe sex, but mostly dismissed them at the time. I had never imagined that “a girl like me,” a girl who went to science bowl competitions and ate lunch at Math Club, could also be a survivor of assault.
I didn't know what consent was, but still never consented to anything that he did.
Gender-based violence is pervasive in STEM. We cannot encourage our kids to enter these fields if perpetrators are allowed to continue causing violence and harm.
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This story was shared with us anonymously as part of the WIS PDX Courage Campaign, which is meant to build support for survivors and to spread awareness of the effects of gender-based discrimination, harassment, and assault in STEM. We empower women to share their stories and speak their truth.
If you would like to participate by submitting your experience to WIS-PDX anonymously, please click the button below. With each submitter’s consent, WIS-PDX will compile these stories to share with the community and any other party to make sure they are heard. We recognize that recounting these events can be traumatic. We want to offer support to any individual who needs it through this process. You are not alone and you do not have to traverse this alone.