The double standard paradigm: Women navigating the impossibilities of a career in STEM
Courage Campaign: Women's Stories of Survival and Speaking Out Against Oppression
The following is a story from a member of the WIS PDX community:
CW: mention of gender-based discrimination.
My classmates knew me as the girl who graduated a year early from high school. Very few know that my assigned high school counselor almost prevented it from happening. She wouldn't write my recommendation letter for me to gain acceptance into college. She called my parents instead without my knowing to inform them that I had no chance of making it to the state school and that at best I would only get into a community college. To this day, I will never know if it's because I was Asian, or a girl, or an immigrant or if it was truly because she wanted me to have an inexplicable four years of experience even though I had enough credits and was already taking college courses, or whatever else was unfit in her eyes, especially because later on, I found out that there was another white male student that was doing the same thing I was doing and I do not think he received the same cautionary tale. That's the thing about discrimination like this, you're left wondering why you're not able to do the same thing someone else is doing when you are clearly just as capable as the next candidate.
She wouldn't write my recommendation letter for me to gain acceptance into college. She called my parents instead without my knowing to inform them that I had no chance of making it to the state school and that at best I would only get into a community college.
In the end though, the reason never matters, because what ultimately happened was that someone attempted to dictate what I was capable or not capable of doing, based on heuristics that would never be a factor in a school’s admission decisions. I had the grades, the extracurricular activities, the aptitude, the perseverance, and the maturity. Those things should have been enough. In the end, my guidance counselor miscalculated my aptitude. I still ended up graduating early, gaining acceptance to several prestigious and ivy league colleges.
For many of you reading this and perhaps if I had heard about this years ago, this would seem to be the success story, the sweet ending of a young student who showed her guidance counselor her confidence in herself to be determined to get what she wants. But that’s not where I want to end my story. At least I want to encourage you to see another perspective.
As a child, I viewed people like my guidance counselor as individual obstacles to overcome, rather than in reality particular examples of whole systems designed to keep us from reaching our full potential. “She didn’t want to write my recommendation letter? Fine, I am going to the vice principal to ask him to write it,” was nearly verbatim of what I said to my parents when they brought up the concern. I was single-mindedly defiant until I got what I wanted. I used to have a certain amount of hubris about my own temperament epitomizing it as “this is what it takes to get shit done in the world”. But I had missed the point.
I am lucky that the temperament I was born with has served as a self-protective mechanism in a world that attempts to keep me down. But what I came to realize is that no one should bank on being born with this temperament as a way to help them survive incidences of oppression and discrimination. We shouldn’t have to win a genetic lottery of having an outlier personality to accomplish what we want in life. Antifragility, this idea that some people thrive even in moments of extreme desolation, is something that we can aspire to in moments of unavoidable tragedies like when one loses their home to a natural disaster, but it should not be the prerequisite for women to exist in this world, especially when these horrific incidences are intentionally committed by other fellow human beings.
The world is preoccupied with the stories of people who seem to defy reality. Whole books are written about them, The Originals, Outliers, Antifragile etc. to name a few. We gravitate towards admiring scientists who have lost labs or grants or have been ridiculed by others and yet continue to persist and finally find success. I would argue however that we need to stop these preoccupations. We need to start asking why do we not spend our time holding accountable people and systems who try to diminish our self worth and our potential to a point that only the antifragile have a chance of succeeding in a toxic environment? Why do we accept the assumption that to succeed we have to have enough armor to combat whatever pressure comes at us? And ultimately, what do we lose as a society when only those who choose to persist despite intentional attempts at sabotage can survive?
And ultimately, what do we lose as a society when only those who choose to persist despite intentional attempts at sabotage can survive?
When I think about the stories that have led women to exit science, because they have rightfully decided for themselves that fighting against oppression day in and day out is not worth it, I think about the loss of talent and scientific progress, that is the intangible cost to humanity. On the one hand, I applaud the women for realizing that saying they’re choosing to exit the ring because they are too mature to play the game, takes a level of courage underestimated by society. On the other hand, I know that this means a loss for science. Delays to treatment of incurable diseases, delays in innovation that would have allowed for greater access to medicines, delays that ultimately cost human lives. People who exit science are not people who can’t cut muster, they are extremely talented people who made the cost benefit analysis and understand that for them living in integrity means no longer subjecting themselves to an abusive and or toxic environment. It would behoove us to realize this and try to change the system rather than encouraging people to persist in toxic environments.
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This story was shared with us anonymously as part of the WIS PDX Courage Campaign, which is meant to build support for survivors and to spread awareness of the effects of gender-based discrimination, harassment, and assault in STEM. We empower women to share their stories and speak their truth.
If you would like to participate by submitting your experience to WIS-PDX anonymously, please click the button below. With each submitter’s consent, WIS-PDX will compile these stories to share with the community and any other party to make sure they are heard. We recognize that recounting these events can be traumatic. We want to offer support to any individual who needs it through this process. You are not alone and you do not have to traverse this alone.
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